A Long Way to Normalcy
by caffeineaddict13
Summary: Set during the fourth season. She didn't think things could possibly get any worse. They did. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This story basically started with just two words. You might not be able to figure out which two words those were, but either way, it started with them. I tried to get them out of my head, because how will I ever keep up with everything going on in my life PLUS two multi-chapter fics (which is what I intend this one to be) without crashing? I think I'll take a Gilmore's attitude, though. Drink a lot of coffee.

Anyway, what this is is a re-do of The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais. That means that everything that happened before then (including NHIWTFTGG), applies to this story. It should follow through the fourth season...maybe beyond. Don't know yet. Another character enters the scene. Something makes me think that you know who that is.

**Disclaimer:** Oh, woe is me! I seem to have forgotten that tiny piece of paper that entitles me to all the rights of GG! Better luck next time.

--

_Hi, this is Lorelai Gilmore, and you've reached my cell phone. Leave a message and I'll return your call_.

Rory sighed in frustration before throwing the phone onto her desk and running out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

She couldn't believe this was happening. She was a Gilmore. A _Gilmore_. Gilmore's didn't drop classes! Her grandfather certainly didn't. What did he tell everyone? _This is my granddaughter, Rory. She's just like her grandfather...going to Yale, with five classes to boot!_

Soon she was going to get a boyfriend named Chip and work for the DAR.

Everything was wrong! And on top of it all, her mother, her best friend, wasn't even answering her phone. She couldn't reach her. She never got to see her, let alone even talk to her. Everything was so screwed up.

Rory bent her head, sliding her back against the door to her room. She didn't care that everyone in the hallway was looking at her like she was crazy. Maybe she was. Why else would her professor be recommending that she drop a class?

She didn't know how long she stayed out there. It might've been five minutes, or it might've been two hours. All she noticed was that she found herself stumbling up and walking towards her car.

It was only after she put the key in the ignition that she noticed the clock underneath the dashboard. It was only seven thirty. Her mom would still be at her grandparent's house, which also explained why she wasn't answering her phone. She was probably only crying for about a half hour.

She made a disgusted face in the mirror. She couldn't even get upset the right way.

Rory turned on the radio and let the sounds of Belle & Sebastian flood out any sort of thought process that could be occuring in her head right then. There wasn't any traffic, and the ride to Stars Hollow seemed even shorter with the songs working as a constant distraction.

It was only around eight when she got there, which meant that she still had an hour or two to kill before she could talk to her mom. It was stupid, she realized, coming here, because she didn't even know how long the dinner would last, especially since Gran was involved. And even if the dinner was miraculously cut short (hopefully no limbs damaged in the process), Lorelai might have made plans to do something afterwards. After all, her life wasn't going to hell. Only Rory's.

For some reason, this made Rory even angrier than before. Lorelai hadn't answered any of her phone calls, and she wasn't here when Rory needed her most. For all she knew, she could be out at some club with Jason, not even caring that her only daughter's existence was failing to compute. Weren't they supposed to be best friends? And where was her best friend when she needed her most? Out drinking with her grandfathers business partner!

Rory clenched her teeth and slammed the car door shut, heading for Luke's. If she was going to drop a class and lose her best friend in one day, she at least deserved a cup of coffee. And she'd be damned if she was denied that.

Sitting down at the counter and shaking her head, her anger was so seething that she was almost positive that the other inhabitants of the dinner could see smoke pouring out of her ears. She didn't even notice that the people around her seemed to be preoccupied with staring at her and wincing.

She also didn't notice the coffee cup that appeared before her, instead just accepting it for the one good thing that had happened today and mumbling a quick thanks.

"No problem," said Jess.

Rory sipped the drink, closing her eyes for a second just to relish the warmth. Then her eyes popped open again. She looked over the counter.

Wait...

_What?_

Rory's blue eyes bulged in surprise and her jaw actually dropped, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' like in a cartoon. She placed down her mug and then blinked a few times, trying to process what was before her.

She closed her mouth, then opened it again, hoping to form a coherent sentence. She did that two more times before finally pulling some words together.

"B-but...you...and the c-car...with the...and...the carts...it doesn't..." she managed to stumble out.

"And the oscar for longest sentence that doesn't include any verbs goes to..." Jess smirked.

Rory gulped. Suddenly her mouth was extremely dry. Her face turned hot for a second as she realized what she had said, then the blush turned to anger when she remembered their last encounter.

"No!" she yelled suddenly, standing up from her stool. "You can't just..." she paused, taking a breath to find the right words this time. "You can't just waltz in here and joke with me like we're still in high school! You can't do that, Jess!"

She flung her purse over her shoulder and walked quickly towards the door, hearing Jess's muffled cry of "Rory!" behind her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him, finally stopping and turning around once they were away from the prying eyes in the diner. 

"I..." Jess stuttered, shifting his feet.

"You what, Jess? Why are you here?"

He took a deep breath before lifting his head. "I didn't come back for you," he said.

"Well, although that does wonders for my self-esteem," Rory replied, rolling her eyes, "you still didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

"It doesn't matter."

"No, it _does_ matter. I want to know why you're back."

"It's stupid," he mumbled, still not directly looking in her eyes.

"Ugh!" Rory shouted, lifting her head towards the sky. "You are possibly the most frustrating person I have ever met. And that's including my mother."

Jess gulped. "I came for Luke," he said.

"Oh." Rory scrunched up her face, as though searching her brain. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"No," he sighed.

"Then why would Luke ask you to come here? I may not know a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure that Luke wouldn't just invite you over for tea."

"I came," Jess said evenly, "to apologize."

That actually made Rory take a step back. "Excuse me?" she asked.

"Last time I was here," Jess explained, "I said some things I didn't mean. I know they got Luke angry; I had your mom tell me that much. And even after I hurt him, he still payed for my car and a bunch of other stuff without me asking him. He's my uncle, and he's been good to me. He deserved and apology, so that's what I came here for. To apologize." Jess paused, looking beat, as if being that honest was exhausting. After a few deep breaths, he looked at Rory. "Are you hungry or something?"

Rory stared at him like he had grown a third head. "Huh?"

"You look hungry," he said. "And tired. And also fairly upset. Do you wanna get something to eat?"

She looked down for a second, processing everything that had happened in the past two hours. On top of everything, Jess was seriously standing there and asking her to eat? She swallowed when she thought of how he had only recently told her he loved her and ran away. For a moment she considered punching him in the face, or just telling him where exactly he _should_ go, and then, finally, she asked herself something. Could it really get any worse?

"Sure," she said quietly.

He nodded before turning to her again. "I'll be right back," he said. "Stay right here."

Rory didn't answer, but watched him walk back, heading in the direction of the diner. She could've sworn that she had seen a smile on his face.

--

**A/N 2:** Okay, this is a little longer than most chapters I do for stories, and also more AU. Tell me if the characters are too OOC and if what you liked/didn't like. To do that you will have to, that's right ladies and gentlemen, review.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **It's been a while, but here's chapter two. It's a bit more sadistic than chapter one, and I _really _want some feedback. So...give it to me, please (that's what she said!). Advice, comments, praises, complaints...I'll really take anything at this point.

--

Rory was thinking about prom. She didn't really know why…it just happened to be the one thing that she could focus on right now.

It was weird, actually, because she recalled going through this same thought process the day that Jess left (the first time). She recalled sitting on the bus and knowing that he was leaving, and not just because he was really bad at hiding and she could see his green duffel bag sitting on the edge of the seat.

She knew he was leaving because of the look in his eyes when he met hers. When she asked if she could sit. When he asked about her bus. When he told her about prom. And when she looked back, one final time.

She thinks that was probably the hardest one. She remembered seeing that look in his eyes, stronger than before; that…apology. It was everything that their relationship was based on, from the kiss at Sookie's wedding to the black eye at her grandma's house to Kyle's party to that day on the bus. It was an apology for not being there when he said he would, and never calling her back, and not being what she needed, and taking her for granted, and for _leaving_. It was an apology for everything.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't see the car pull up next to her.

She jumped when it beeped, a shrill sound of surprise coming from the back of her throat. Whoever was in the car pulled the window down.

"Hey, hon," the figure in the car said. "What are you doing here?"

"Mom?" Rory asked in disbelief. She was here _now_?

"Yeah, babe, it's me. I live here, remember?"

"I know," Rory said. "I just figured you were still at dinner."

Lorelai laughed. "Yeah, well, _that_, my dear, is a story for another time. Hop in."

Rory hesitated for a second, her thoughts turning back to Jess. She couldn't get that image of him telling her he couldn't go to prom out of her head. She couldn't get that _look_ out of her head.

"Rory, come on, it's cold."

She turned her head towards the diner just as Jess came back from downstairs, holding something. A box, maybe. Or a notebook.

His eyes reached hers and his arms dropped to his sides, gently letting down whatever he had been handling. She averted her gaze for a second before looking back up to see him nodding his head. She bit her lip and quietly turned away without another look at him.

"Let's go," she said to her mom.

Lorelai seemed concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Rory said. "I'm okay."

It took her the rest of the ride to realize that she wasn't even lying.

--

"Hey daughter, since you're here, do you wanna rent a movie?" Lorelai asked, balancing a bag of popcorn under her chin with two bowls of marshmallows in either hand. She dropped the bag, it's contents spilling all over the kitchen floor.

"Graceful," Rory said, smirking. She started cleaning up the popcorn as she continued the conversation with her mother.

"Well, I should get back to my dorm tomorrow, but I don't have any classes till late afternoon."

"So an all-nighter?"

"Agreed," Rory said, throwing out the last of the kernels.

She walked into the living room, looking at the stacks of tapes on top of the VCR—since Lorelai firmly refused to get a DVD player ("We get rid of video tapes, and then what? Pills in place of meals? Coffee-substitute? What is wrong with the world?!")—and sighed.

"Mom," she said, rolling her eyes. "These are all old episodes of Step by Step!"

"Uhhh…" Lorelai replied, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers. "I got bored?"

"I am going to go to the video store to get us a movie. One that we can actually watch."

"Mama is grateful."

Rory pulled on her coat and headed out the door, thinking about how much things had changed since she had been sitting outside her dorm room, crying, not more than two hours before.

She had decided that she would drop the class. It wasn't what she wanted to do, by far, but she was overloaded and stressed and if dropping a class would help get rid of some of that pressure, than she was going to do it.

She still had this odd feeling, though. Like something was wrong. She wished she could go back to her high school days when things were simple and she didn't have to worry about roommates and hair straighteners and not being able to keep in touch with her mom.

While she thought, her feet were traveling on their own accord. She had intended to go to the movie store, but when she looked down she realized that she was no longer standing on the sidewalk but on planks of wood. It took her a minute to process where she was.

That was when she had the revelation that she hadn't been here since her high school graduation. She didn't tell her mom, but that day, after the ceremony and the party, she had walked over to this very spot and sat down and cried. Because she was afraid. Afraid of moving on and letting go and something else, too.

It took her this long to admit it, but what she was most afraid of wasn't keeping up with her work or leaving her mother's house, because, really, she was _ready_ for all of those things.

She was afraid of forgetting.

Forgetting what it was like to look into the water and see the reflection of a teenager that was still untouched by the world, but knew what loss was and especially knew what love was.

Forgetting what it was like to make someone smile and feel accomplished and happy because they were happy and because it was something special to be someone's someone.

She was afraid that she would forget how much it hurt to lose your everything, and to finally understand that it was your everything that you had lost.

And that's why she had ended up here. Because in the midst of it all, in the dropping-classes-no-contact-not-good-enough meltdown, she had forgotten to remember.

And that, after all, was the reason that she was going to be okay.

When she felt the weight next to her, she didn't have to look up to know that it was him.

"Hey," she said quietly. She stared entrancingly at the water, watching at how the ripples distorted the two silhouettes in the stream. It could have been a year ago.

"Hey," he said.

They stayed quiet for a moment, both pretending that it _was_ a year ago, and he was on a break and had come here to smoke and see her, and she was in her Chilton uniform and had snuck away from her mom to taste the smoke from the cigarette he held.

"I'm sorry about before," she whispered, breaking the trance. "My mom…"

He answered just as softly. "It's okay."

"Okay."

They sat for another couple of minutes in the kind of comfortable silence that she only seemed to feel with him; where the non-verbal was just as, if not more, important then what words that actually came out.

Jess shifted and she looked over to him. He looked away, back at the water. He picked up a rock and she watched as it skipped five times, twisting their almost-memory reflections like a fun house mirror.

"I'm sorry, you know," he said gently.

She looked at the side of his face that was tilted towards her, running her gaze over his forehead and the slope of his nose and the curve of his lips and the tenseness of his jaw.

"I knew," she told him. "You never needed to tell me."

"I wanted to, though."

"Okay."

"I just…" he turned to face her, finally locking her stare. "I never really meant to hurt you."

"I know."

"Okay."

It could have been a year ago.


	3. Chapter 3

--

**A/N:** Wow, it's been a long time since this little one's been updated. Sorry about that, my mysterious other life has kept me busy. I don't know how often I'll be updating from now on, but I pray that my muse will come sooner. On another note, I hope the book-banter is up to par, I've actually never tried it before. R & R!

**Disclaimer:** xxxxxxxxxxx.

--

"The other day," Rory started, staring at her hands as she moved a stone silently from one to the other. "I was in class and we were discussing Hemmingway."

"Really?" Jess asked, a hint of a smirk on his pale face.

"Yeah…it was The Sun Also Rises, and this girl in my class had the idea that Hemmingway was underlining the social context of that time."

"Well…" Jess said, quirking his mouth.

Rory rolled her eyes. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"She has a point."

"A point? This is the girl that thought _Kate and Leopold _was foreshadowing the development of time traveling that most scientists will have discovered in five to ten years."

"Alright, so maybe she was a little wrong about that, but I've always believed that Hemmingway meant to use Jake to depict certain problems in society."

"Please!" Rory scoffed. "The fact that Jake can't have sex with his girl is just that—an inability to believe in love. Not some carefully hidden message about the first World War."

"But why can't both be true?" Jess asked, his voice raising into debate-mode. "Although Jake's impotence can be clearly connected to a loveless culture, it can also—though not as directly—be traced to a prejudice against underclassmen. There are proximate and underlying themes in every great piece of literature in this world, as well as in wars, treaties, disputes, and marriages."

"You're comparing The Sun Also Rises to treaties and marriages?" Rory asked.

"Not the book itself, but the idea and presence of clear and hidden messages in prose. A marriage, when you think about it, is not really all that different than a well-written novel."

Rory raised her eyebrows. "Enlighten me, please."

Jess turned and crossed his legs, now facing the girl sitting across from him. "See," he began, his voice higher than normal in the anticipation of a proving a point. "An unhappy marriage can be broken down into causes just as a book can."

"Continue," Rory said, now sitting in the same position as Jess.

"Well, let's say a husband and a wife are having problems. He…always forgets to get the mail, and she is never home when he comes back from work. One day, they have an explosive argument that leads to her admitting that she's cheating on him, and so they decide to file for a divorce. Now what would you say was the cause of the break-up?"

"The adultery, obviously." Rory replies. "But she may not have cheated on him in the first place if he had just gotten the mail instead of getting on her nerves."

"Exactly," Jess said, grinning. "So, you could easily say that while the wife's other man was the main cause, the husband's neglect and annoyance was easily just as influential, even if it was harder to link to the last fight."

Rory started to protest, then closed her mouth. "Touché, Dodger."

They were quiet for a while before Rory jumped up suddenly. "Oh, my God! What time is it?"

"Close to ten, why?"

"Oh, my God, oh, my God," Rory said, covering her face. "I told my mom I was going out to the movie store two hours ago!"

"Calm down," Jess said, standing up. "Just tell her you…got sidetracked or something."

"This is _my_ mom we're talking about, Jess. She's gonna bother me unless she's got a legitimate excuse."

"So tell her you were talking to me."

Rory snorted. "Right, because the last time we had a picnic on the bridge went over ever so well with her."

"Yeah, I guess you've got a point. Um…" The air stilled as both tried to think of a plan. "Alright," Jess said, finally. "I'll go to Luke's and pick up an apple pie, and you go to the movie store. Then you can go back your house and tell Lorelai that you stopped at the diner for coffee and lost track of time. It's believable, only half a lie, and if you give her the pie first there's a strong chance that she'll forget how long you've been out anyway."

"That's genius!" Rory said, smiling.

"I try."

"Okay, don't go getting a big head now, you won't fit inside of Luke's."

Jess laughed, picking up Rory's coat and holding it out for her.

"Thanks," she said, a little surprised by the gentleman-like act. "Now get going!"

"Yes, ma'am," Jess said, giving a little army salute before jogging towards the diner.

Rory walked away, giggling, towards the movie store.

--

"Mom! I'm home!"

"Good God, child, where have you been?" Lorelai asked, putting on a British accent. "I've been worried sick."

"Stopped to get coffee and didn't bring a watch," she answered casually. "But I brought pie."

Lorelai's face brightened, then slowly her expression changed. "If you're coming from Luke's, then how come he stopped by a half hour ago to fix the oven?"

"Why would you need to fix the oven?"

"My socks got burnt, and you haven't answered my question. In fact, I asked him if he knew where you were and he told me that he didn't even know you were home."

"I…uh…" Rory started. "Got lost?"

"You've got some splainin' to do."

Rory sighed, sitting on the floor and bringing her knees up to her chest. "IwaswithJess," she mumbled."

"What?"

"IwaswithJess."

"Sweetie, really all you're doing is prolonging this experience. It can't be_ that_ bad."

"I was with Jess," Rory said, clearly this time.

"Oh."

"Yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Maybe I felt pretty bad for abandoning this story for so long, but for some odd reason many ideas have come to me all at once. I have a couple chapters in my head, and a few more characters that I want to incorporate. However, don't get your hopes up on the constant updating (though reviews may just speed me along)

--

"Okay, so…" Lorelai said, pacing the room, her voice a pitch higher than normal. "So you were with _Jess_? Is that right? Am I getting this?"

"Yes," Rory replied quietly. "Yes, I was with him."

"So for the past two hours, while I've been waiting here thinking, 'okay, my daughter is out getting a movie, nothing could possibly happen to her now that she's home,' you've been chatting it up with your ex-boyfriend?"

"Yes," Rory said, even quieter. There was no point in arguing with her mother once she got started. She should know; after all, she took after her.

"The same ex-boyfriend that broke your wrist?"

"Yes."

"The same ex-boyfriend that you cheated on your first boyfriend with?"

"I guess."

"The same ex-boyfriend that tried to pressure you into sex?"

"Well, that's not—"

"The same ex-boyfriend that left the east coast without telling you?"

"Yeah, but he—"

"The same ex-boyfriend that, not even two months ago, told you he loved you then split?"

"Yes, okay!" Rory yelled, finally snapping. "Yes, yes, yes, he set out to ruin me, he was nothing but trouble! You were right, the town was right; I was wrong! He broke my heart and screwed me over but you know what, mom? This is _not_ your life. This is mine. And when, a couple of hours ago, I came to Stars Hollow to try and find some sort of comfort, you know who was there? That same ex-boyfriend. The one who—despite the fact that he opened himself up for a world of hurt and was too scared to even turn around not that long ago—offered to get me food and a place to rest when he noticed that I looked upset. Even when my own mother did not." With that, Rory ran into her room and slammed the door, throwing herself face-down onto her pillow.

She started crying, not caring that the salt was sinking into her white linens, not bothering to take her shoes off so that she wouldn't get the bedspread dirty. She cried until she thought there must be no water left in her body, then, with one last shaking sob, fell asleep.

--

Rory was only vaguely aware of the knock coming from outside her room later that night.

"Go away," she mumbled into her pillowcase, assuming that it was Lorelai. But the knocking continued and finally she pried herself from the bed.

"I said go—" she stopped mid-sentence when she realized that the noise was not coming from inside the house as she had thought, but from the window next to her dresser. She walked over, unlatching it quietly.

"Hey," she said, biting her lip.

"Hey," Jess replied. They were close enough that she could feel the contrast between the cold breeze from the window and the warm air from his words. "Is everything okay?"

Rory paused, contemplating the question. "Not bad."

"Can I…?" he asked gesturing toward her room.

"Oh, yeah, sure."

She watched as he pushed his body through the window, enjoying the way the veins on his arms stood out as he flexed the muscle. She had always liked his arms—they were so…manly. While his face looked generally young like hers, his arms made him look older. They were tanned and defined, and once she actually told him that he should wear his shirts with the sleeves rolled up more often. She blushed as she thought of this, but the room was fairly dark and she was glad that he couldn't see the color of her cheeks.

"So," he said, his voice low. "What happened with your mom?"

"Huh?" she asked, confused. "How did you...?"

"Luke," he shrugged. "He said your mom came in a couple hours ago looking depressed. Did you guys get in a fight or something?"

"Kinda," Rory said. "Doesn't matter."

"Rory," Jess said knowingly. "If there's one thing that never changes, it's you and your mom. If you got in a fight, it most definitely mattered."

Rory sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. Jess followed, catching her glance in a way that made her feel exhilarated and uncomfortable at the same time.

"She found out the real reason why I was late, and freaked."

"It was that bad, huh?" Jess asked, cringing.

Rory nodded. "She started listing everything you've done in the past, and wouldn't let me defend any of it. It wasn't even like it was that big of a deal…I mean, I've been late before."

"Right," Jess scoffed, shooting her a look.

"Okay," she admitted, "but still. It's not this huge thing."

"Well, it's me, so I must have been trying to corrupt you, right?" he asked sarcastically.

Rory let out a laugh. "Exactly. It's like she doesn't even attempt to listen when I try to explain. I say 'Jess,' she hears, 'trouble.'"

"Can you really blame her?"

"What?" Rory asked, surprised.

"Come on, Rory, be honest. In the limited amount of time I've spent in Stars Hollow, I've managed to crash a car, break a body part, split a couple and leave you crying more than once. If the roles were reversed, would you truthfully let you near me?"

Rory looked at him, directly into his eyes, and was shocked to see the warmth they held. He really had changed. "Even if that's true," she said, holding his gaze, "what gives her the right to pre-judge you? She doesn't know you like I do, Jess."

"God, I hope not," he smirked. "That'd be a little too Mrs. Robinson for me."

Rory rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I guess."

They were a silent for a little, both lost in thought.

"Why'd you defend me?" Jess said suddenly, startling Rory.

"What do you mean?"

"You said before that she wouldn't let you try to stick up for me."

"Oh," Rory breathed. "I don't know. I guess…" she paused, trying to find the right words. "It's like I can't hate you. After everything you've done, you still know me better than anyone, even my mom. You know what annoys me, and what makes me mad. You know when I'm upset or nervous and you know how to calm me down. And I've had anyone who understands me like you do. I can't hate you, even when I try."

"If I were you," Jess said in a small voice, so softly that Rory had to lean in to hear him. "I'd hate me."

"I guess it's a good thing you're not me, then," she whispered. He raised his head, and she was vibrantly aware of how close they were. He was leaning towards her, and for a moment, she was sure that he was going to kiss her. But instead he reached behind her and placed something on the bed.

"Goodbye, Rory," he said quietly, before turning around and leaving before she even noticed he had moved.

--

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Long time, no update. I'm quite proud of this chapter; it took me a couple days to get it right, but it's helping a lot to progress the plot, plus answering a lot of the questions most of you probably had. Please please please with a cherry on top REVIEW!

**Disclaimer:** I swear I don't. No sueing, por favor.

--

Rory closed her eyes; taking a deep breath and catching the faint after-taste of Jess' cologne. When she opened them, he had already gone and she could feel a warm breeze blowing from the open window. She walked over and shut it, surprised that she couldn't even make his figure out in the dark. How he could walk away so quickly and quietly was beyond her.

Sighing, she lay down on her bed. Her brow crinkled in confusion and she reached under her back to see what was so uncomfortable. She remembered Jess reaching behind her before he left but she had forgotten about it in the moment.

"Oh," she said softly, running her hand over the thin book. It was _Howl_. Her copy, although she couldn't even remember the last time she had it. Her mind flashed to Jess in the diner, when she had been crawling into her mom's car, and she recalled seeing him holding something. Apparently, this was it.

Crossing her legs, she stuffed her pillow behind her and began to flip through the book. The margins were filled with black ink, and the smudges from where she had turned the pages in her teenage years made it even harder to read. Nothing seemed to be different, though, and that was what confused her.

Then, on the last page, a sliver of paper fell from in between the pages. It was new and clean and white and unfamiliar, not the same faded writing that donned the rest of the book. It was folded in half, and when she opened it, she found the same handwriting she had been staring at for the past twenty minutes.

It was a poem.

_You loved me when nobody else did_

_You loved me when I didn't deserve it_

_You loved me when you wouldn't say_

_You loved me when you weren't ready_

_You loved me when you were alive_

_And I loved you_

_I loved you when I was stupid_

_I loved you when I was young_

_I loved you when it was real_

_I loved you when everybody did_

_I loved you when nobody knew_

Rory finished reading and found that she was having trouble catching her breath. Her heart was pounding harder and faster than she had ever felt. Slowly, she rose from her bed and put on her jacket, taking her time in case the shortness of breath caused her to fall or faint. She began to walk to Luke's.

The longer she walked, however, the angrier she became.

At Jess, for being so sweet and perfect and overdue.

At her mom, for jumping to conclusions and keeping old habits and losing touch.

At Luke, for taking so long to realize that he was in love.

At her grandma, for holding a grudge against Lorelai for eighteen years.

At her grandpa, for ignoring Emily and not appreciating her.

At Paris, for trying so hard to be better, when she was perfect as it is.

At the town, for pressuring her and judging all of her decisions.

But most of all, at herself. For being so stupid and so ignorant and taking so goddamn long.

"Luke!" she yelled, stomping into the diner and shutting the door so hard that the tiny bell on top threatened to fall to the ground. "Where is he, Luke? Where is he?"

"Where's who?" Luke asked, confused.

"Where's _Jess_, Luke? Where is he hiding?"

"Oh, jeez, déjà vu."

"Luke! Tell me, now!" Rory screamed. A couple people sitting at the tables nearest turned around and gave them dirty looks which quickly turned to surprise when they saw the owner of the loudest voice.

"Rory, calm down," Luke said, gently leading her outside. "Ceasar, hold on a sec, okay?"

Rory huffed outside, still fuming. "Just tell me when he is, Luke. If you don't tell me, I'm gonna find him anyway."

"What's going on with you, Ror?"

That was when she broke. "What's going on with _me_? You want to know what's going on with _me_?"

"Yes, please, Rory, maybe I can—"

"What?" Rory interrupted. "Maybe you can _help_? I'll tell you what, Luke, why don't you figure your own problems out before taking on mine."

"What are you talking about?"

"My mom, Luke!" Rory said.

"Wha…huh?" Luke stumbled.

"You've been in love with her for as long as I can remember, and I'm sure it was even before that. Every chance you get, something happens to mess it up. But guess what? It's not just her fault. Yes, she's a little oblivious, but you've always known that. And yet you continue to give her these tiny little signs that she's somehow supposed to decipher and, what, come running into your arms? If you wait around too long, Luke, she's not gonna _be_ there anymore. She was engaged once and you did absolutely nothing about it. Are you going to let that happen again? Because if you are I'm going to have to ask you to give up. You may be able to wait around forever, but she isn't."

With that, Rory left, leaving Luke staring at the space she was standing, mouth gaping.

She kept stomping, filled with the same red hot anger as before her explosion, only now she was finally thinking clearly. If he wasn't at the diner, where _else_ would he be?

As she felt her feet land on wood, sure enough, she saw a dark figure slumped on the bridge, smoke curling from the cigarette dangling from it's mouth and staring into the horizon.

"Jess!" Rory yelled, moving angrily forward and ripping the cigarette from his mouth. She throw it onto the ground, hard, and heatedly ground it into the bridge.

"Hey!" he said, confused. "What are you doing?"

"What is you're problem, Jess?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"What's _my_ problem?" he said incredulously. "I'm not the one—"

"Oh, yes, you are!" Rory yelled. "Do you even realize you're effect on people? Don't you even bother to think about what other people might take from your irrational, irresponsible actions? Don't you think it might help to, just for a minute, at least pretend to care about other people's feelings?"

"What is this about, Rory?"

"What do you think it's about, asshole?!"

"What…the book? Rory, are you serious? That wasn't meant to hurt you!"

"Ugh," Rory snarled. "That is just _so_ like you! Everyone was right, you know. You're just a stupid little jerk looking to get in my pants. You never loved me! You're just…" she trailed off. "You're so…" Instead of finishing her sentence, Rory opted to make a low, strangled, screaming noise and pushed Jess into the lake.

Jess fell in with a splash, coming back up and shaking his head around to get rid of the water.

"Oh," Rory whispered, her voice suddenly very soft. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Jess! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!" She quickly shed her jacket and jumped into the water, immediately shaking from the cold.

"Jess!" she yelled, blinking rapidly to get rid of the water in her eyes. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here," he said, trembling. He waddled towards her, bringing his hands under the water to take hers. "I'm here."

"Oh," she said, shivering. "Hi."

"Hi," he repeated.

"I didn't mean it," she said delicately.

"I know."

"Good." She moved forward, taking his hands and putting them around her waist, then leaning her head onto his shaking body.

"I love you," he said quietly, his voice barely reaching her. "I love you."

"I know," she said. "I…I don't know." She looked up at him. "I don't know, Jess."

"That's okay," he replied. "Let's get out of here." He climbed onto the bridge, then took her hand and helped her up. After she was standing, he kept holding her hand. "Just don't take too long this time, okay?" He turned her hand over so that her knuckles were facing him. Then he placed a very light kiss on the tip of each finger before letting go. "Bye, Rory."

Rory watched him leave, feeling goosebumps form on her arms and neck, and pins and needles spread from each finger to each toe. "Bye," she said, long after he had gone.

--

TBC…


End file.
